Let's Talk with Lois Winston
February 27, 2025
The Bullies in our Lives and Books
Bullying is something Iāve dealt with most of my life. Some of my earliest memories are of being bullied or made fun of by other children. As I got older, the bullying changed from name-calling to not-so-subtle acts of aggression. There were the āmean girlsā who targeted me in junior high school. The boy whoād follow me home from school, no matter which route I walked, block my path, and stick his hands in places they didnāt belong. (When I complained to my mother, she told me I had probably encouraged him!) There was the coercion by bosses in several jobs I held and coming up against the adult version of the mean girl brigade. There was the mother-in-law who never let a moment go by without directing words of derision at me.
I like to think I learned a lot by surviving these experiences. I made sure my children knew they could come to me with any problem. I taught them to embrace the various differences in people, not make fun of them. To speak up and seek out help and guidance when confronted by bullying behaviors. Iāve also infused that knowledge into my books by creating female protagonists who learn to stand up for themselves, find solutions to their problems, and not give in to the bullies they encounter.
For example, Anastasia Pollack, the reluctant amateur sleuth of my Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mysteries, has bent over backwards to be nice to her own mother-in-law. However, even the sweetest, most accommodating person in the world will eventually reach a point where she says enough is enough. In SEAMS LIKE THE PERFECT CRIME, the recently released fourteenth book in the series, Anastasia has come to that crossroads in her life. No spoilers but I will say that I havenāt killed off Lucille Pollack. Youāll have to read the book to find out what happens.
Years ago, I wrote a chapter book for young readers. At the time, I had three young grandchildren (I now have five, ranging in age from eight to twenty-one.) I wanted to write a book for them. If you have young children, grandchildren, nieces, or nephews, you might be interested in THE MAGIC PAINTBRUSH.
When nine-year-old Jack and his seven-year-old sister Zoe are snowed in for days with nothing to do, their complaints land them in every guyās worst nightmareāthe kingdom of Vermilion, a land where everything is totally pink! At first Jack is mistaken for a spy from the neighboring kingdom of Cobalt, but Zoe convinces Queen Fuchsia that theyāre from New Jersey and arrived by magic.
Queen Fuchsia needs a king, but all the available princes in Vermilion are either too short, too fat, too old, or too stupid. Jack and Zoe suggest she looks for a king in Cobalt, but Vermilion and Cobalt have been at war since long before anyone can remember.
Jack and Zoe decide Vermilion and Cobalt need a Kitchen Table Mediation to settle their differences. So they set out on an adventure to bring peace to the warring kingdomsāand maybe along the way they just might find a king for the queen.
Without being preachy, THE MAGIC PAINTBRUSH addresses the issue of differences, in this case, a kingdom that is all pink at war with a kingdom that is all blue for longer than anyone can rememberāso long that no one even knows what started the feud. It takes two children from another land to point out to the rulers of both kingdoms the benefits to getting along and how we’re really all the same inside.
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Posted in 7-Lois Winston, Let's Talk, with Lois Winston ā¢ Tags: Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mysteries, Let's Talk, Lois Winston, The Bullies in our Lives and Books | 32 Comments
I was the tallest and skinniest kid growing up with strict parents and not a lot of money. I got picked on because of my hand me downs, I got picked on because of my height. I was “string bean” for as long as I can remember but the worse part was for almost one whole year in my 7th grade class, only one person talked to me after one of the girls started a false rumor about me. But I just kept going to class, doing the best I could and remembering I had one friend in the class who I didn’t really know but was kind enough to talk to me no matter what the others said.
I try very hard to always be kind to everyone I meet and judge people on my own, not what someone else thinks or feels about them.
I think I have succeeded in that, as I am told time and time again, I am too nice!!! So to all those haters in 7th grade math class…thank you!! You did me a favor for making me really look at people and make my judgements of them without anyone else’s opinions. For that I am grateful and blessed.
Janet, I had a similar experience in 7th grade but in Social Studies class. Only one person stood by me. Unfortunately, she passed away 6 years ago. I still miss her.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
I was also skinny and short for most of my early life, having a growth spurt in late high school to suddenly tower over many of my classmates. I never thought much about being picked last for games because I wasnāt athletic and was in fact a bit clumsy. I fixed that issue once those games werenāt a mandatory part of PE or recess. So, while I didnāt have physical bullying, I experienced a feeling of isolation and separateness from cliques of kids/adults. Team sports werenāt for me, so I took that formative note and went on to journal my feelings and later to write books to work out a lot of situations so that the underdog comes out victorious. Different strikes, you know?
Maggie, it’s hard for me to imagine you as short! Writing is such a wonderful way to work out emotional turmoil and come to grips with past hurts. More people should do it.
Hi Lois, I also had a challenging mother-in-law. It was truly awful to endure, but it made me mindful of how I treated my daughters-in-law. They simply can’t understand why some of their friends complain — they tell me I’m the best mother-in-law in the world. My joy knows no bounds!
I’m right there with you, Cheryl. The one thing my MIL taught me was how not to be a mother-in-law! Both of my DILs are wonderful individuals, and I’m glad to have them as part of my family.
I was bullied as a kid. Strangely I was bullied in Sunday school and the teacher seemed oblivious. I grew up in the Bronx when rap music began and all the kids in the class loved it. Me, meh, I preferred rock music. The other kids picked on me about it to the point I ended up dropping out of Sunday school. My mom didn’t like it but let me.
How awful, Anita! Unfortunately, even to this day many teachers turn a blind eye to bullying in school settings.
What a clever and needed idea for a children’s book. Sorry to read where some of your reactions to bullying grew out of. The only bully I encountered back then was our gym teacher (remember him?) and after I fell from the parallel bars because of him, my mother addressed the situation.
I do, Debra, but I don’t remember his name, either. I’m guessing he was a drill sergeant in WWII or Korea. My one memory of him was how he rebuked me for talking with my hands. Said I wasn’t old enough to do that!
Yes I have had some bullies but I turned it around when they told me I smelled I told them Thank you for tellin me and that stopped them. Deb
Interesting how they reacted, Deb. Thanks for stopping by and sharing.
When I started kindergarten I was tall and skinny and had an eye problem so I got teased a lot. My mom had to tell me I could not hit anybody, no matter what they said! I was new to the class and nobody would talk to me. When my mom left I started crying and another little girl (Debbie) grabbed my hand and said “it’s ok, don’t cry, you can sit next to me.” She taught me to be nice to everyone and we are still friends, sixty years later!
What a lovely story, Helen. Thanks for sharing.
I’d been fortunate to dodge this experience in my childhood, but there was a real mean girl at my first job. Her role was to guide new staff members, but she liked to be the center of attention and was more critical than helpful. She made my first work experience a miserable one, but I stuck it out for a year. Then I quit and moved to Florida, where I had supportive colleagues and learned so much more. Leaving the dreary northern winters behind was a big plus.
Nancy, it’s so hard to put up with people like that for a week, much less a year. You had a lot of fortitude!
I suffered from being bullied most of my school life as I’m overweight. I can’t state how many times I heard, “Fatty, fatty, two by four, can’t get through the kitchen door”, plus I wore glasses and was often called “Four eyes”, so I have suffered from being bullied while I was in school. Things got better once I left school; however, there have been times when I’ve been riding my bike, and guys in a car would drive by and yell, “Heifer” at me. I just don’t understand what joy people get from this type of behavior as I don’t know them, nor do I have anything to do with them.
Laura, how sad! I don’t understand it, either, but for some reason there are many people in this world who take great joy in putting down others any way they can.
I was bullied all throughout elementary school for my Cerebral Palsy, was called handicapped, crippled, and retard by school kids who were White, Black, and Asian of both genders (How’s THAT for inclusion and diversity) and the teachers weren’t too nice either. I also help care for an Autistic brother.
Like I’ve said several times in these responses, I drafted a few screenplays fictionalized the above ordeals as screenplays before rewriting them as novellas. I’ve since further rewritten and combined them with a missing child short story I wrote and submitted for a contest. I’ve also expanded this into several more novellas with rewrites and edits for each installment.
I’ve since submitted these to short story magazines and anthologies. The first proper installment and an origin story/prequel were offered faulty contracts and one installment was liked enough that it got referred to another publisher. I’ve also done different takes on these themes in horror/sci-fi short stories. While not accepted, horror/sci-fi publishers and magazines have asked for new material as a result.
Justin L. Murphy
Justin, my experience was that teachers often turned a blind eye to classroom bullies. Others were even part of the problem. Looking back, I now realize these students most likely suffered from learning disabilities, but I don’t think anyone understood that at the time. The kids were just labeled as “problems” and “disruptive” and were punished instead of being offered help. I hope that’s changed now that society has a better understanding of various learning disabilities.
I have encountered bullies at different spells in life. As I have gotten older, I find it easier to just do my own thing, be me, and not stress too much about the bullies. Although work bullies are a lot easier to avoid/ignore than classmates at a young age.
Hillary, bullies anywhere should be dealt with and not left to continue their hurtful behavior. Unfortunately, too often, no one is willing to stand up for those who are being bullied because they’re afraid to get involved. To some extent, I understand this, but it’s a sad indictment of our society that bullies know they can get away with so much without fearing any consequences.
I have dealt with bullies many times in my life. When I was little, I was timid and shy and had trouble dealing with it. As I grew, I learned how to deal with these people. Unfortunately, some children never grow up and remain bullies even as adults.
Worse yet, Cherie, as adults they’re usually much worse. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
There’s a saying in education that failure leads to success, and similarly, difficult experiences lead to strengths. So glad you were able to turn yours into stories that help others triumph over bullying. I love this post.
Thanks, Saralyn! So glad you enjoyed it.
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Sorry to hear that, bn100.
Not entering because I have read all the books in this series, and I love them all! I have experienced bullying when I was younger, and even recently, being it inconsiderate people I have encountered, or worked for/with in hostile work environments.
Sorry to hear this, Robyn. It seems unavoidable and getting worse every day.
Hm. Definitely makes me think – when I was growing up, I was made fun of a lot, but hadn’t really put the label of “having been bullied” on it š I had been too meek to stand up for myself, but then, as I gotten older, I found it easier to stand up for others when they were being made fun of…. I wonder how much more pleasant life would be for everyone if we’ve all just treated each other as we would like to be treated. ā¤ļø
Iām sorry bullying was such a part of your life, Lois. Thanks for sharing and making me think on this. As a kid I had my feelings hurt but wouldnāt call it bullying. As a young person in the work force, and as a parent, I saw bullying first-hand. Those experiences made me realize that repeating the old phrase about āsticks and stonesā and that āwords couldnāt hurt meā was terribly inadequate.